I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
