Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
