You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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