Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
only you would photoshop your dick
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
