Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
