just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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