when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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