My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
