Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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