I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you didnt know i had herpes?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
