Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
