so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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