Apparently you make a good broom.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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