you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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