I just pynch a tree in the face
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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