she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
