Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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