1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
zippers are such a cool invention
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
