How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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