C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
