She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
