I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
