I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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