I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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