you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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