It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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