I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
