im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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