I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
