you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
