A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
