I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
