We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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