So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
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