It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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