You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
