i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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