he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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