I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
