She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
