what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
