I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
we should paint friendship bongs
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