Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
