he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
