Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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