I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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