i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
