she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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