Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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