I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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