She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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