Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
