either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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