Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
