So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
someone owes me an orgasm
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
