I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
